Letter #25

Dear _____,

I think one of the biggest things we struggle with is how to be. That’s it. How to be, how to exist. We’re told throughout life how to act, how to talk, what it means to be a good person – and I think that has its merits, but what happens when what we’ve been told contradicts something we’re told later? What then, what’s the right way to be?

We’re supposed to be confident and to believe in ourselves, but then one person may see that as arrogance so what do we do then? We’re supposed to be in tune with our feeling and be open with them, but what if that gets to be too much for someone? We’re supposed to be kind to everyone and considerate, but what if someone else shows kindness differently and finds our expression of consideration rude?

I think about this more often than I’d like to. I know people will say that you can’t please everyone and everyone is different and there’s more than one way to be… and they’re right. I know they’re right and yet… sometimes it still feels like I’m stuck in this constant adjustment period of trying to figure out how to be my best self, as if there’s one truly right way to behave, to exist. And I know there isn’t, it’s a mix-mash of what we grow up into and our values/principles and all of that. But I’m still here… lost in the grey between the black and white of living.

I’m sorry. This letter may never make it your way because I’m afraid it’s just nonsense, a bunch of words written by a child trying to be an adult. But maybe that’s why it should be sent to you anyway… because don’t we all have these moments? Vulnerable periods where we feel like we can’t do anything right and just spiral?

I don’t know. Maybe it all just sounds like rambling to you. And maybe you understand. Maybe, like me, you too struggle with how to be. And maybe you find yourself wedged in the in betweens, unsure which side you fit (as if it was ever about sides).

Again, the best I can write as a response is “I don’t know”. I don’t think I’ll ever know, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But if you do feel this way too, know you’re not alone.

Originally written 06-10-2025

Accompanying music: I Feel Fantastic by Parachute Day